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Weekly Rochester Events #698 Starting Thursday, May 24, 2012

Wednesday, May 23rd, 2012

Something Like Therapy
by Jason Olshefsky at 3:59 pm (1 comment)

I can't stop thinking about my personal ramifications from watching the movie Bully last week. I mentioned one sentence in my essay about it last week, but it just opened up a big can of worms.

Perhaps most recently, I was working on writing a proposal to speak about the solar system I had installed last year, but I quickly grew disinterested as I worked through my estimates of return-on-investment. But what was really stopping me was my painful "to hell with them" attitude. I've never been much of a salesman — and notoriously anti-good at marketing (owing to my desire to permit people to make an informed decision). I feel like I'm constantly fighting the status quo on big-picture issues: I talk with enough people who wring their hands over increasing energy costs and blame "the man" for ripping them off, but then fail to see they can just walk away from "the man", get a solar system, and do away with a big chunk of variability. The debate, see, gets quickly personal for me when I have a solution and they won't listen — as if they're actually calling me stupid.

Or like a few years ago when I abandoned my "mileage maximizer" project for, essentially the same kinds of reasons: "screw them." I still think that idea would work, and possibly be a significant step toward winning a 100 mpg X-prize. But there's really two outcomes: either it works, and then either I fail to market it correctly, or someone else takes it away from me and turns it into a "Bad Thing" — or it doesn't work and I'm ridiculed for being so foolish. In no way does it work out that I gain any satisfaction from it because I can't help but hear the critical voices. And the last thing I want is to give something useful to my critics.

Another thing that comes up often enough is my hair-trigger on people taking advantage of me. I probably missed out on a pretty fair number of dates in my past: if a woman was sweet to me, I always assumed she wanted something. I'd hook up her stereo, or drive her somewhere, or fix her car, or help with her assignments — all with a begrudging pleasure at the certainty that this was my lot in life. In retrospect, I can deduce that each of them probably just kinda liked me and wanted to get to know me, but even now, I can't fully internalize that was even possible. And I still can't believe it — I'm still skeptical when I meet someone who (to anyone else) clearly likes me, and the stronger the attraction, the stronger the skepticism.

And then, I take an excruciatingly long time to trust someone. And that trust can dissipate instantly if I even start to believe the relationship has any ulterior value. It's a constant struggle to balance on that razor edge: a combination of denial and suppressing evidence, and a desire to really feel trust — trust where I don't even consider that I'm being played. That's how my closest relationships work: my best approximation to what real trust must be like.

In high school (and most of college) I found my niche skating by with minimal effort. I graduated 4th in my class, and I was very pleased at that because it absolved me from the responsibilities of being valedictorian or salutatorian, particularly giving speeches. My whole point was to try to be invisible; to get attention from nobody, good or bad.

Farther back, things get more hazy, and all lumped together. Was it first grade or fifth grade that I sat in back of the bus solely to endure (unsuccessfully) the psychology cruelty of the "bad kids" who sat there? Did some kid wreck my diorama on the way to school or was that Lisa Simpson? Why do I remember so few good times on the bus? Why didn't anybody do anything about the misery I was going through?

I went into the world with an open heart. I have learned to ferociously guard that kid in me who believes people are good and they want to help others. But then I met my peers and they were sometimes cruel. And the adults in the world would say, "well that's the way the world works, Jay." They sided with the evil. And it is evil. And wrong. Being good and nice is natural to all of us, and it's the way we should all be all the time — it should be exceptional to ignore someone who is hurting. Yet it's always the story of someone who takes five minutes to help that is treated as exceptional. Well God damn it: you're all wrong.

And to me, that's the take-away from Bully: these kids who are bullied, they are the best people in the world. To coddle the bullies is tantamount to child abuse — it's teaching that cruelty is okay, that rudeness is okay, that abuse is okay, that stealing is okay, that rape is okay: they're all part of the same family, grown from the same kernel. We get the chance to build a new society every day, but we keep supporting the ugliest parts and wondering why it doesn't get better.

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    The Empire State Lyric Theatre (ESLT) presents An Evening of Menotti tonight through Saturday at 7:30 p.m. at The Multi-Use Community Cultural Center (MuCCC) (142 Atlantic Ave.) [source: MuCCC website]

    JayceLand Pick The Dryden Theater at George Eastman House (900 East Ave.) will be showing Serpico starting at 8 p.m. From the Eastman House calendar, Sidney Lumet's "no-nonsense direction turned the shocking true story of an NYPD officer into one of the most acclaimed dramas of the decade. As crime engulfs the mean streets of New York City, undercover cop Frank Serpico (Al Pacino) discovers something worse: rampant corruption among those sworn to serve and protect. Horrified, Serpico speaks out, only to be targeted by his fellow officers who retaliate with obstruction, denials, and violence." [source: Dryden Theater calendar] [all ages]

    JayceLand Pick Tonight at The Bug JarMySpace link (219 Monroe Ave.) is The CosmosMySpace link, The Yummies, great power electronic rock from GhostfeederMySpace link, and Hello Shark starting around 8:30 p.m. [source: Bug Jar calendar]


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    Towel Day

    Today from 8 a.m. to 9:30 a.m. at Brighton Memorial Library (2300 Elmwood Ave.), The Rochester Professional Consultants Network (RPCN) presents The America Invents Act — How It Alters Your Ability to Patent Your Invention by Dave Bassett. [source: Artists' Breakfast Group blog] [all ages]

    Apparently The Critical Mass Bike Ride is tonight starting at 6 p.m. at The Liberty Pole (1 Liberty Pole Way) and heading through the city from there. [source: the proverbial grapevine]

    Tonight around 6 p.m. at Abilene Bar and Lounge (153 Liberty Pole Wy., formerly Tara) is a Happy Hour celebrating Jerry Garcia with The Ruckus Juice Jug StompersMySpace link followed by The Park Ave BandGarageBand linkMySpace link around 10 p.m. [source: Abilene e-mail]

    JayceLand Pick The Baobab Cultural Center (728 University Ave., formerly on Gregory St.) will be screening Marcus Garvey: Look For Me in the Whirlwind tonight at 7 p.m. [source: Culture starts with ART! (CSWA) Yahoo! Group]

    Geva Comedy ImprovMySpace link performs tonight and tomorrow at 7:30 on Nextstage at Geva (75 Woodbury Blvd.) [source: Geva Theatre website]

    JayceLand Pick The Dryden Theater at George Eastman House (900 East Ave.) will be showing Nine to Five starting at 8 p.m. with film star Dabney Coleman attending to introduce and discuss the film. In it, the office workers "take matters into their own hands, putting their [bigoted supervisor, played by Coleman] under lock and key and transforming the workplace into a haven of equality and efficiency." [source: Dryden Theater calendar] [all ages]


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    JayceLand Pick The Dryden Theater at George Eastman House (900 East Ave.) will be showing Fuk sau (Vengeance) starting at 8 p.m. and again tomorrow at 5 p.m. From the Eastman House calendar, "French singer Johnny Hallyday stars as a Parisian chef who travels to Hong Kong to avenge the death of his daughter's family in this high-voltage thriller." [source: Dryden Theater calendar] [all ages]

    Tonight at Abilene Bar and Lounge (153 Liberty Pole Wy., formerly Tara) is The Po' Boys Brass BandMySpace link, and The Mighty High and Dry starting around 9 p.m. [source: Abilene e-mail]


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    Fly the flag today.Memorial Day Observed (half-staff until noon)

    Today at 7:30 p.m. is Wide Open Mic with Norm Davis at Writers and Books (740 University Ave.) [source: Writers and Books calendar] [all ages]


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    This morning starting around 8 a.m. in the cafeteria overlooking the arboretum in Bausch and Lomb (140 Stone St.) is The Artists' Breakfast Group meeting ... anyone interested in art or creativity is invited.

    JayceLand Pick The Dryden Theater at George Eastman House (900 East Ave.) will be showing Horse Feathers starting at 8 p.m. Another silly classic from the Marx Brothers. [source: Dryden Theater calendar] [all ages]

    JayceLand Pick The Bug JarMySpace link (219 Monroe Ave.) will be hosting White Woods, The Blind Owl BandMySpace link, and Under the Eaves starting around 9 p.m. [source: Bug Jar calendar]


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    Memorial Day

    JayceLand Pick Updated: This evening from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m. at The Rochester Riverside Convention Center (123 E. Main St.) is the City of Rochester Intermodal Transportation Center Scoping Study. [source: the proverbial grapevine]

    JayceLand Pick The Dryden Theater at George Eastman House (900 East Ave.) will be showing Sílení (Lunacy) starting at 8 p.m. — a "fevered adaptation of two tales by Edgar Allen Poe (by way of the Marquis de Sade)". [source: Dryden Theater calendar] [all ages]

    JayceLand Pick Over at The Bug JarMySpace link (219 Monroe Ave.) starting around 9 p.m. is Goodbye Ronnie, Melody Calley, and The Tempermental Falcons. [source: Bug Jar calendar]

    JayceLand Pick The Club at Water Street (204 N. Water St.) will be hosting Bone YardMySpace link, and good hard rock from The Cheetah WhoresMySpace link starting around 9 p.m. [source: Water Street calendar] [16+]

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    This page is Jason Olshefsky's list of things to do in Rochester, NY and the surrounding region (including nearby towns Irondequoit, Webster, Penfield, Pittsford, Victor, Henrietta, Gates, Chili, Greece, and Charlotte, and occasionally other places in Monroe County and the Western New York region.) It is updated every week with daily listings for entertainment, activities, performances, movies, music, bands, comedy, improv, poetry, storytelling, lectures, discussions, debates, theater, plays, and generally fun things to do. Music events are usually original bands with occasional cover bands and DJ's with musical styles including punk, emo, ska, swing, rock, rock-and-roll, alternative, metal, jazz, blues, noise band, experimental music, folk, acoustic, and "world-beat." Events listed take place during the day, in the evenings, or as part of the city's nightlife as listed. Although I'm reluctant to admit it, it is a Rochester blog and I'm essentially blogging about Rochester events. I also tend to express opinions, review past events, make reviews, speak of philosophy or of a philosophical nature, discuss humanity and creativity. Oh, and it's spelled JayceLand with no space and a capital L, not Jayce Land, Jaycee Land, Jace Land, Jase Land, Joyce Land, Jayce World, Jayceeland, Jaceland, Jaseland, Joyceland, Jayceworld, Jayceeworld, Jaceworld, Jaseworld, nor Joyceworld. (Now if you misspell it in some search engine, you at least get a shot at finding it.) It's also not to be confused with Jake's World or JakesWorld which is a site of a Rochester animator. While I'm on the topic of keywords for search engines, this update includes information for Thursday, May 24, 2012 (Thu, May 24, 2012, 5/24/2012, or 5/24/12) Friday, May 25, 2012 (Fri, May 25, 2012, 5/25/2012, or 5/25/12) Saturday, May 26, 2012 (Sat, May 26, 2012, 5/26/2012, or 5/26/12) Sunday, May 27, 2012 (Sun, May 27, 2012, 5/27/2012, or 5/27/12) Monday, May 28, 2012 (Mon, May 28, 2012, 5/28/2012, or 5/28/12) Tuesday, May 29, 2012 (Tue, May 29, 2012, 5/29/2012, or 5/29/12) and Wednesday, May 30, 2012 (Wed, May 30, 2012, 5/30/2012, or 5/30/12).


    JayceLand Pick indicates an event that's a preferred pick of the day ... probably something worth checking out.

    Top Pick indicates a "guaranteed" best bet for the particular genre of the indicated event.

    GarageBand link links to a band's page on GarageBand.com which offers reviews and information about bands.

    MySpace link links to a band's page on MySpace.com which is a friend-networking site that is popular with bands.

    Fly the flag today. is a day when you should fly the flag according to the Veterans of Foreign Wars calendar.

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