Jayce's Life Story

Based on a true story.

Well, it all began like most stories, at the beginning. When I was young, my age was much lower than it is now. It was a tough time. Everything in the world was much larger than it is now, but fortunately it shrank down to the manageable size it is today.

When I was six, I created a perfect vacuum in my basement and started a new universe called Bakelite. Unfortunately, I purposefully incinerated it. Reasoning skills at age six were a little lacking.

Once I saved three people in an elevator using a staple gun and a bowling ball. I had a second opportunity to do so, but I only had an office stapler, so two died. Thankfully, I had the bowling ball to save myself.

little crushed bug In March of 1987 I was a disgruntled teenager and crushed a bug. It was a 1975 (I've been told it's actually a 1976) Volkswagen Beetle. 1975 was the first year VW offered electronic fuel injection and the last year the Beetles were imported into the United States. I didn't care. I broke it anyway. Oh yeah, along with a post and rail fence, but I don't have a picture of that.

I built a desk made of balsa wood that weighs 177 drams. Much stronger than an ant, it can support over a million times its own weight. I have used it to change the oil in my car. Driving into my apartment was very tricky.

I know how many pixies can dance on the head of a pin, but I signed a non-disclosure agreement so I can't tell you. I have yet to learn how many fairies can dance on the said pin, but I have proven more than pi will fit. Per the agreement with the pixies, I cannot disclose the exact amount.

Quick Facts

Special thanks to Eve Andersson (a complete stranger who offers some inspiration for this page) Stolichnaya Vodka (for providing the alcohol for this page), the letter X, and all the irrational numbers.
Last updated 1997-Aug-24


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